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Bureau of Made Up Statistics

Office of Conditions, Whose, and the Whose Conditions

Est. 1957 — "In Data We Fabricate"

DATA ADVISORY: The Bureau is currently experiencing higher-than-normal levels of statistical fabrication. Normal service will resume never.
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Statistics Issued Today
4.3% from yesterday
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Active Researchers
1.1% (budget cuts)
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Nations Served
2 new this quarter
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Accuracy Rating
within expectations

Daily Briefing

Research Findings

Technology
The first email ever sent contained a typo. This has been the standard ever since.
Confidence Level: 60.44%
Dr. Gertrude Coefficient
Technology
73% of tech support calls begin with the lie 'I already tried restarting it.'
Confidence Level: 67.77%
Prof. Bartholomew Graph
Workplace & Economy
GDP would increase by 14.7% if people stopped pretending to look busy.
Confidence Level: 48.57%
Dr. Constance Fiddler
Workplace & Economy
The probability of a 'quick question' actually being quick is 3.1%.
Confidence Level: 71.86%
Dr. Adelaide Variance
International Affairs
7.3% of the world's flags were designed by the same person. That person has never been identified.
Confidence Level: 52.55%
Dr. Adelaide Variance
Health & Wellness
The average yawn lasts 6 seconds and is contagious within a 4.3-metre radius.
Confidence Level: 99.06%
Dr. Millicent Footnote

Bureau Divisions

Division of Conditions and Whose Margin of Error

Proudly operating within a ± 100% margin of error.

Department of Untestable Hypotheses

If it can't be proven, it can't be disproven. Checkmate.

Office of International Statistical Fabrication

Supplying governments with the numbers they deserve since 1957.

Center for Conditions That Sound Real

Our researchers have advanced degrees in plausibility.

Bureau of Recursive Self-Reference

Please see the Bureau of Recursive Self-Reference for more information.

Recent Publications

PublicationDatePDF
Annual Report on Reports About Reports (Vol. XLVII) 2026-01-15
Quarterly Review of Unverifiable Claims (Q4 2025) 2025-12-01
The State of Numbers We Just Made Up 2025-11-12
International Index of Suspiciously Precise Figures 2025-09-30
White Paper: Why 73.6% Is the Most Believable Percentage 2025-08-22

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