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Bureau of Made Up Statistics

Office of Conditions, Whose, and the Whose Conditions

Est. 1957 — "In Data We Fabricate"

DATA ADVISORY: The Bureau is currently experiencing higher-than-normal levels of statistical fabrication. Normal service will resume never.
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Statistics Issued Today
7.0% from yesterday
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Active Researchers
2.2% (budget cuts)
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Nations Served
4 new this quarter
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Accuracy Rating
within expectations

Daily Briefing

Research Findings

Human Behavior
83.6% of people who say 'I'll be there in 5 minutes' are currently still in bed.
Confidence Level: 53.75%
Prof. Bartholomew Graph
Workplace & Economy
People who describe themselves as 'detail-oriented' on their resume overlook an average of 2.3 typos in the same document.
Confidence Level: 62.17%
Prof. Reginald Numberman
Food & Consumption
The average person eats 35 tonnes of food in their lifetime, roughly the weight of 7 elephants who were not consulted.
Confidence Level: 69.52%
Dr. Constance Fiddler
Meta-Statistics
The number of statistics in the world increases by 4.7 million per day. This is one of them.
Confidence Level: 62.50%
Dr. Prudence Decimal
Meta-Statistics
This website contains exactly the right number of statistics. Not one more, not one fewer. (Unaudited.)
Confidence Level: 45.98%
Dr. Winifred Outlier
International Affairs
There are 6,500 languages spoken worldwide. Only 7 have a word for the feeling of stepping on a wet spot while wearing socks.
Confidence Level: 74.17%
Prof. Mortimer Sampling

Bureau Divisions

Division of Conditions and Whose Margin of Error

Proudly operating within a ± 100% margin of error.

Department of Untestable Hypotheses

If it can't be proven, it can't be disproven. Checkmate.

Office of International Statistical Fabrication

Supplying governments with the numbers they deserve since 1957.

Center for Conditions That Sound Real

Our researchers have advanced degrees in plausibility.

Bureau of Recursive Self-Reference

Please see the Bureau of Recursive Self-Reference for more information.

Recent Publications

PublicationDatePDF
Annual Report on Reports About Reports (Vol. XLVII) 2026-01-15
Quarterly Review of Unverifiable Claims (Q4 2025) 2025-12-01
The State of Numbers We Just Made Up 2025-11-12
International Index of Suspiciously Precise Figures 2025-09-30
White Paper: Why 73.6% Is the Most Believable Percentage 2025-08-22

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