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Bureau of Made Up Statistics

Office of Conditions, Whose, and the Whose Conditions

Est. 1957 — "In Data We Fabricate"

DATA ADVISORY: The Bureau is currently experiencing higher-than-normal levels of statistical fabrication. Normal service will resume never.
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Statistics Issued Today
7.4% from yesterday
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Active Researchers
1.0% (budget cuts)
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Nations Served
2 new this quarter
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Accuracy Rating
within expectations

Daily Briefing

Research Findings

Workplace & Economy
The average spreadsheet contains 3.7 errors, 1.2 of which are load-bearing.
Confidence Level: 91.39%
Dr. Agatha Benchworth
Workplace & Economy
Open-plan offices increase collaboration by 12% and resentment by 847%.
Confidence Level: 74.85%
Prof. Clarence P-Value
Food & Consumption
The average person eats 35 tonnes of food in their lifetime, roughly the weight of 7 elephants who were not consulted.
Confidence Level: 93.62%
Prof. Archibald Margin
International Affairs
There are 6,500 languages spoken worldwide. Only 7 have a word for the feeling of stepping on a wet spot while wearing socks.
Confidence Level: 71.85%
Dr. Agatha Benchworth
Health & Wellness
Walking 10,000 steps a day was invented by a Japanese pedometer company and adopted by 4.2 billion people as medical gospel.
Confidence Level: 48.72%
Dr. Constance Fiddler
Health & Wellness
The average yawn lasts 6 seconds and is contagious within a 4.3-metre radius.
Confidence Level: 74.81%
Dr. Gertrude Coefficient

Bureau Divisions

Division of Conditions and Whose Margin of Error

Proudly operating within a ± 100% margin of error.

Department of Untestable Hypotheses

If it can't be proven, it can't be disproven. Checkmate.

Office of International Statistical Fabrication

Supplying governments with the numbers they deserve since 1957.

Center for Conditions That Sound Real

Our researchers have advanced degrees in plausibility.

Bureau of Recursive Self-Reference

Please see the Bureau of Recursive Self-Reference for more information.

Recent Publications

PublicationDatePDF
Annual Report on Reports About Reports (Vol. XLVII) 2026-01-15
Quarterly Review of Unverifiable Claims (Q4 2025) 2025-12-01
The State of Numbers We Just Made Up 2025-11-12
International Index of Suspiciously Precise Figures 2025-09-30
White Paper: Why 73.6% Is the Most Believable Percentage 2025-08-22

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